Fr Doyle’s diary: 10 March 1911

This morning during meditation I again felt that mysterious appeal from our Blessed Lord for a life of absolute, complete sacrifice of every comfort. I see and feel now, without a shadow of a doubt, as certainly as if Jesus Himself appeared and spoke to me, that He wants me to give up now and for ever all self-indulgence, to look on myself as not being free in the matter. That being so how can I continue my present manner of life, of a certain amount of generosity, fervent one day and then the next day giving in to self in everything ? When a little unwell, or when I have a slight headache. I lie down, give up work, indulge myself in the refectory. I see that I lose immensely by this, for that is the time of great merit, and Jesus sends me that pain to bear for Him. One thing keeps me back from a life of generosity — a cowardly fear of injuring my health, persuading myself I may interfere with my work. Why not leave all this in God’s hands and trust in Him? If the saints had listened to human prudence, they would never have been saints.

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